it is as if history is repeating itself. new responsibilities. a sudden expectation to act more mature than u are. showing you are ready when u know you want another year. letting go and grasping on to more than you can take. it's like a deja vu... like you have lived it all and are expected to live it again.
WAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE ALMOST DONE?
relatives flooding in with favours. with "beta yeh bana do" "beta yeh design kar do". in the campus all familiar comforting faces disappear and new ignorant ones appear. you sigh and punch a big damn every time you meet a wonderful person but realize you don't have much time left.
You suddenly remeber days when you were pampered. Disciplined and spoilt at the same time. Alot of 9/10ths add up to 2/10ths to make it last for more than the 5 years of LIFE.
You formulate the stages of smoking in the outdoors:
- stage 1 - run and hide when u see a prof.
- stage 2 - ignore if u see a prof and carry on
- stage 3 - wish him and carry on.
- stage 4- smile and talk to him after the job is done. take a lift back to the class.
- stage 5 - build in your confidence. sit, share and discuss. ( you are leaving anyways).
every road and corner of the college feels speacial. first song with your senior, last dance with the juniors, first kiss on a quite sunday, outdoor maths class, first shopping spree, crossing the great river.
what really happens when it is all done is you are too full of emotions. you got be strong for others, happy coz it's gonna be a brand new start, sad to let go of wat became an integral part of you, stressed due to the pressure of the system. All you can do when it is almost done; is pray for it to be a happy ending.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
a child again
I am sitting dumb with a broken leg...well almost broken listening to an awesome track i really want to dance on but...neways. Its been raining for 2 days now and the water is ankle deep in our courtyard, the so called "archi courtyard". Suddenly I hear a long "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiittt for me. I'll make a boat, too." She rushed into my room franctically looking for a paper which was right there in front of her nose. Anyways the Boat was finally constructed and soon 23 years old 9/10 architects were shouting and dancing in the rain, playing with tiny paper boats. They all looked cuter than 3 years olds. Making thier slippers float on the water and then cursing the other one for drowning it. The rain started to slow down and almost immediately ther were loud out bursts of "pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeee make it rain harder". How could he no listen to such innocent requests and soon thier prayers were answered. They splashed water and ducked from it. They ran away from wrigling worms to end up closer to another one. It was then I realized how much I miss being a kid.
The days when an hour of " A B C D " earned us hours of laughter, dirt, punches and cycle races. When feeding the stray dog was more important than eating our tiffin on time. When we used to beat up friends and then get chased by them for miles and miles, but all in a good spirit. When we used to roam around in our underwears and pretend to be mowgli. When the only way to define a person was to either call him good or bad; not egoistic or arrogant or goodhearted but boring or charming but mean.
Its boring to grow up actually. To earn independence when complications of thoughts come as a complimentary gift with it.
The days when an hour of " A B C D " earned us hours of laughter, dirt, punches and cycle races. When feeding the stray dog was more important than eating our tiffin on time. When we used to beat up friends and then get chased by them for miles and miles, but all in a good spirit. When we used to roam around in our underwears and pretend to be mowgli. When the only way to define a person was to either call him good or bad; not egoistic or arrogant or goodhearted but boring or charming but mean.
Its boring to grow up actually. To earn independence when complications of thoughts come as a complimentary gift with it.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
last dance
I succeded in finishing this 1 only in the fifth go. Hope I can get my message through.
The night is amazing boy and I wish you would be here. Its slightly chilly and a warm sheet and coffee would work just fine. I m in the room staring at my snoring roommate when suddenly this wierd thought passed me. In about 3 months time life would change completely for us.
We wouldn’t have anyone to help us study stuff, anybody to cover us up when we are shivering or anybody to shout at us and tell us that we are wrong. No one to fight for another chance and no one who would easily understand when we are lying. No walks down the long road and no more sneaky kisses. No one we could tease without thinking what he would think and no one to tell a sorry to when we have hurt them.
I guess going to the practices is even worse because each day when I see the people I love the most doing the thing I love the most, I realize this may be my last dance. Today i felt their won’t be people who would say “P.G. please aap aao naa kitna maza aa raha thaa dance mien”. Nobody to shout at for not doing the steps right and hardly anyone who would put in their 100% to make me happy with their performance. No one to create sensational dances with and no one to support you for synchronization.
It was this one cool spring night 4 years back when the T.V. room had witnessed two strangers come together to celebrate their most worthy possession but now it has come to this. Counting their last breath; because for me giving the last performance would get as painful as death due to slow poisoning. These 1.5 months of practice would be like seeing myself getting amputed. There was a lot planned but a lot more happening and somewhere inside the voice keeps pushing me to enjoy this performance to my fullest. Suddenly all “bol B.I.T ka tempo high hai” and “ bol B.I.T. halla bol” will be nothing more than faint memories we would be smiling at. I guess this time the lights would hurt the eyes more than it usually did and the audience would be nothing more than voices of devils saying “There won’t be a next time. Hahahahahhaaha(devil’s laugh).” Its gonna hurt real bad this time.
Oh how I wish I would never have to give up on this one thing, the ambience, the group, the vibe. Even the ideas of discs now feels disappointing.
However I guess one will have to move on. With my last dance will come the “first chance to do many more things.”
Miss you guys and keep dancing.
The night is amazing boy and I wish you would be here. Its slightly chilly and a warm sheet and coffee would work just fine. I m in the room staring at my snoring roommate when suddenly this wierd thought passed me. In about 3 months time life would change completely for us.
We wouldn’t have anyone to help us study stuff, anybody to cover us up when we are shivering or anybody to shout at us and tell us that we are wrong. No one to fight for another chance and no one who would easily understand when we are lying. No walks down the long road and no more sneaky kisses. No one we could tease without thinking what he would think and no one to tell a sorry to when we have hurt them.
I guess going to the practices is even worse because each day when I see the people I love the most doing the thing I love the most, I realize this may be my last dance. Today i felt their won’t be people who would say “P.G. please aap aao naa kitna maza aa raha thaa dance mien”. Nobody to shout at for not doing the steps right and hardly anyone who would put in their 100% to make me happy with their performance. No one to create sensational dances with and no one to support you for synchronization.
It was this one cool spring night 4 years back when the T.V. room had witnessed two strangers come together to celebrate their most worthy possession but now it has come to this. Counting their last breath; because for me giving the last performance would get as painful as death due to slow poisoning. These 1.5 months of practice would be like seeing myself getting amputed. There was a lot planned but a lot more happening and somewhere inside the voice keeps pushing me to enjoy this performance to my fullest. Suddenly all “bol B.I.T ka tempo high hai” and “ bol B.I.T. halla bol” will be nothing more than faint memories we would be smiling at. I guess this time the lights would hurt the eyes more than it usually did and the audience would be nothing more than voices of devils saying “There won’t be a next time. Hahahahahhaaha(devil’s laugh).” Its gonna hurt real bad this time.
Oh how I wish I would never have to give up on this one thing, the ambience, the group, the vibe. Even the ideas of discs now feels disappointing.
However I guess one will have to move on. With my last dance will come the “first chance to do many more things.”
Miss you guys and keep dancing.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
heal the world
The rains just dont seem to come. i mean all that was green now lay black. the crickets wern't doing thier job because they had been burnt to death and the hills seemed just so tired of standing there welcoming guests. Shimla seemed like Chandni chowk and to my surprise the temperature there was just above 28 degrees. the last i remember we used to freeze even during May. The Capital city was nothing more than a big bowl of toxic waste. The already black water of Yamuna was now green and areas of it gave out a horrible smell. People still are not aware of thier mistakes and seem to have grown use to the power cuts and minimal water supply. The huge greens within the city could be seen as a big cover up to people who'd look beyond the huge flyovers and state of the art malls. Its' not that such problems are not seen in my city or I am any less to blame than the ones i am pointing fingers at but just that these places were like beautiful paradises when i had last visited them. My summer trip just made me realize we need to stop. stop immediately, take a look around and start healing the world or we'll die a very sad death.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
15 gone ... 30 more to go
15 up 30 more to go
hmmm quite an expirirence i must say... 2 days after the first i never thought i wud survive...but then a gardian angle told me... hey! give it sometime and u'll see the wine make wonders and i think i can feel it already... thanks for the suggestions...the "pooooooooooooja, why arn't you here's?" changed to " i'll talk to you later. doing some work now". neways, it's all for the best.i remember before joining my professor had told me that there wasn't much to learn in 6 weeks, but i say it's not true. i learnt a very valuble lesson. something which earns the lioness her food. to wait and watch. and attack at the right time. to be patient with everything. as i said after 15 days the office doesn't seem to be biting me. infact i keep myself busy and everything else just happens to happen. yeah i always keep calling the lord for a little help and guess wat she actually listens to me. i really think there is a little angle who keeps fluttering around us and catches our prayers every now and then and passes it on for processing. neways good music, a.c. and illegal access to the net has made the office life an adventure which i have to face. we kept thinking this place would be awesome or that office wud be great but nothing of the sort seems to be happening now. everyone is going through the same phase. some are smart enough to be putting up a show of confidence and the others are simply too cute to be lying. so just keep your fingers crossed and hope everything goes on smoothly. and don't forget to wish for what you want.
hmmm quite an expirirence i must say... 2 days after the first i never thought i wud survive...but then a gardian angle told me... hey! give it sometime and u'll see the wine make wonders and i think i can feel it already... thanks for the suggestions...the "pooooooooooooja, why arn't you here's?" changed to " i'll talk to you later. doing some work now". neways, it's all for the best.i remember before joining my professor had told me that there wasn't much to learn in 6 weeks, but i say it's not true. i learnt a very valuble lesson. something which earns the lioness her food. to wait and watch. and attack at the right time. to be patient with everything. as i said after 15 days the office doesn't seem to be biting me. infact i keep myself busy and everything else just happens to happen. yeah i always keep calling the lord for a little help and guess wat she actually listens to me. i really think there is a little angle who keeps fluttering around us and catches our prayers every now and then and passes it on for processing. neways good music, a.c. and illegal access to the net has made the office life an adventure which i have to face. we kept thinking this place would be awesome or that office wud be great but nothing of the sort seems to be happening now. everyone is going through the same phase. some are smart enough to be putting up a show of confidence and the others are simply too cute to be lying. so just keep your fingers crossed and hope everything goes on smoothly. and don't forget to wish for what you want.
a change
As far as I knew myself... I thought my tolerence limit towards west bengal was not more than 3 days and here I am. I have spent almost 3x15 days here and to tell u the truth it wasn't that bad.I mean u have to get use to the smell of sweat and being dreanched all the time. But thats all that is expected of you. Its like a huge circus. The scene just gets amusing with every changing minute.In "kolkata" 75% of the public has visited all the malls but only about 3% actually bought anything from those shops. People love to go visit "the food courts", quote names of restaurants like "nola, sigree, mainland" but prefer eating on the roads. Its a city where non vegetarians can have a lavish meal in just 40 bucks where as vegetarians have to have atleast a 100.On this very bright and extremely sunny sunday at "new market" where the poshest of all beggars could be spoted, one may actually ask you to treat him to a kwality walls ice cream and if u are in front of a temple ;then mind it. How dare you give the "holy prasad" off to the beggars. A women supposedly belonging to the "bpl category" was complaining of suffering from Diabetes because of the pedas and that she atleast expects a 10rs. note from the "generous one".It is believed that the Madwaris are the miser lot but here in kolkata people are bold enough to ask; actually shout out in a restaurant if they would be charged for the finger bowls.I believe this must be the only state whish goes inactive during afternoons because "babura bhaat kheye ghoomate jaan" (rice works more or less as a sedative, but in the new world many have become immuned to it).Due to high security alerts and thefts in the "national museum" you are ask not carry any baggage. Polybags of any sort are not allowed however u can fold it and put it in your pocket and take it in. It is not of any danger the moment it is in your pocket just make sure the guard doesnt see it. THIS WAS ADVICED BY TEH GURD HIMSELF.But the most beautiful part of this place is that no one has forgotten or will forget its cultural values, the rich history or literature. Be it from rolls of the ancient badshah restaurant to the long entry lines for the victoria, pride for thier land clearly shows from amongst the ones who've stayed and seen this place change.You could only understand thier love, if u could see a 85 year old government retired doctor cry his heart out while he tells his growing grand daughter of how he lost his uncle to the war of freedom. If only you could see him smile when he tells you how a common doctor could smell and predict the illness and how he dreamed to make a city out of a "salty lake"; If only u could see him worry of how the pollution has eaten away victoria's true colour. if only we could see kolkata through his eyes.This one month has taught me to look beyond everything i hate about Kolkata and give it a try. It isn't as horrifying as i thought.Hope you visit this place soon and really like it.
Friday, May 15, 2009
at office
this is only to begin with...
i m in the office and u can guess how much work i have been appointed by the fact that i have started writing blogs sitting in here.
It's funny to see how a summer internship can change your viewpoint. You always knew a person, who would never mail you leavealone call u up and one day when u are sitting at your desk doing nuthing great at all when a little pop up displays "it's quite lonesome here." then u can feel it and relate. it made me rush to the loo so taht i could cry and get back to "professional" before anyone oculd see me. you always thought the maximum you could be online is for 4 hours at a stretch but suddenly net has now becoem like your life line. You thank god your office is equipped with it.
you realize how addicted u have grown to people that you can't do without speakign to them atleast 7-8 times the whole day. slowly, one starts feelign she has played all the games on facebook.
after the 8th semester you think you cnat possible look at the black screen nemore...and in the office you sit tight with your finger's crossed , murmuring "god, please make my boss realize, i can design,on autocad, using my brain."
its funny how we look forward to these trainings, snare at friends, mysteriously call offices, make big plans, prepare big portfolios, flaunt it off. but in the end nuthing really matters
i m in the office and u can guess how much work i have been appointed by the fact that i have started writing blogs sitting in here.
It's funny to see how a summer internship can change your viewpoint. You always knew a person, who would never mail you leavealone call u up and one day when u are sitting at your desk doing nuthing great at all when a little pop up displays "it's quite lonesome here." then u can feel it and relate. it made me rush to the loo so taht i could cry and get back to "professional" before anyone oculd see me. you always thought the maximum you could be online is for 4 hours at a stretch but suddenly net has now becoem like your life line. You thank god your office is equipped with it.
you realize how addicted u have grown to people that you can't do without speakign to them atleast 7-8 times the whole day. slowly, one starts feelign she has played all the games on facebook.
after the 8th semester you think you cnat possible look at the black screen nemore...and in the office you sit tight with your finger's crossed , murmuring "god, please make my boss realize, i can design,on autocad, using my brain."
its funny how we look forward to these trainings, snare at friends, mysteriously call offices, make big plans, prepare big portfolios, flaunt it off. but in the end nuthing really matters
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